It is said that in every theory ever written about man’s personality , the most profound question has been ‘where is the person?’. Monte would further break this question in to several others, a few of which are:
- Is the person hidden within unobservable private thoughts?
- Is the person displayed in observable behaviour?
- Is the person found enacting roles across differing behaviours?
- Is this person emerging from the spirals of relationships with others?
What ever the right question or answer may be, I am of the opinion that the personality of man is still evolving and unlike the theory of evolution which has an abrupt end because man’s physical features seemed to stay fixed, personality theories will continue to sprout like new roots of an already developed tree.
Now , with personality disorders it is a very different scenario, it is based on a set of long standing character traits that have a developmental history, spanning from childhood in most cases. These traits tend to put the person in conflict sometimes with themselves and most times with the social environment. The key symptoms lie in the pervasive and persistent difficulties in interpersonal relationships.
So what is going on with Tanya? Some of the behavioural patterns her friend describes falls within the scope of ‘Super Passive aggressive personality disorder’. You might want to revert back to series one to get the full story.
A person who exhibits traits of this disorder could come across as excessively nice, thoughtful, super maternal , with over the top gestures when complimenting. The red flags would be things like showing anxious vibes, very terrified of disapproval, paranoid of everything, a sense of fakeness in conversations and an undertone of forcefulness. There would also be behaviours that exhibit secret hostility, and flashes of spitefulness and maliciousness.
Passive aggressive disorder manifest in two ways. The first which is the super passive as discussed above and the second type, known as the ‘Overt passive aggressive personality disorder’. Unlike the first type, the person here would be more obvious in showing resentment or discomfort through acts like sulking, complaining and being highly critical, especially with authority. There is a tendency to exaggerate medical issues or challenges and in every complain the underlying theme, is ‘life is unfair’. There will also be signs of dependence, because of the need for approval but at the same time opposition and hostility to any form of authority. It can be described as high level of stubbornness.
There is a long list of symptoms that embody this disorder, primarily because each person’s case is fully determined by other causes like genetics , environment and even experiences. Alongside , this, is the possibility of these symptoms overlapping, with that of other personality disorders. This is when therapy becomes most important, just reading about this, doesn’t tell you all you need know, but during therapy certain assessments are done that give clear indication of what the diagnosis should be.
One could argue that Tanya is leaving her life, she obviously has a job, she has friends and family, and she has been able to hold it together. But the truth is, do we live life just to hold it together, allowing our dysfunctional defence mechanisms become the compass of our relationships ? Or do we develop healthy coping skills that makes life more fulfilling and engaging?
Abraham Maslow describes the need for self actualization as the need to be fully what one can be, it may not be easily achievable , but it is worth going for it.
Life throws so many things at us, but therapy can change the narrative, if we can just trust the process.