I was listening to a podcast on Grief Refuge where Colin Ellis was being interviewed and interestingly, she was talking about dog owners and dog parents. Initially, I thought that it couldn’t be so different, but as she explained further, I got to understand really what it meant to be a pet parent and I realised at that instant that the relationship I and my family had with our dog Rex was Pet parents.
We have a culture that differentiates us from animals, and naturally this culture doesn’t provide any template for grieving pets. In certain cases, like the African culture, it would seem like something is wrong with a person who grieves for an animal. But an understanding of what loss is, brings a better perspective. Fitzpatrick in her book ‘Tell me the truth about loss’ states that ‘Grief is about change, and what we lose when things change ‘: people experience grief when there is a divorce, loss of home, loss of friendship, loss of dreams, loss of pregnancy and all other losses, because a change occurs, things are no longer the same, a void is created and living without what used to be is painful.
The fact is you bring a pet home, you give it a name, feed it, cuddle it and after a while they become a part of your life. You begin having conversations with them, I can’t count the number of Saturday mornings I sat outside with Rex at 5.30am drinking my coffee and watching the sun rise. He was such a part of my quiet conversations. He would sit there watching me muse over my coffee, with eyes that said, you will be ok.
Yes, I was a dog parent. Rex was like a child in our home, the first question I asked the caretaker the minute I drove in each day was ‘has Rex eaten? My daughter would come home from work and spend the first 3 minutes talking to Rex asking how he was and telling him how her day was. We were all drawn into such a beautiful relationship with Rex. And so, it was no surprise when Peter walked into the sitting room weeping like a baby, “Rex is not moving” he cried out!
So many of us have lost pets, have we really taken the time to grieve? Do we feel it would be considered too petty by those around us? Maybe these suggestions might help:
First up, please give yourself permission to grieve and mourn your pet. That pet was yours, the special moments you created with that pet was real, why wouldn’t it hurt?
Find groups on the internet like Pet loss group, Pet loss and bereavement association, Fond memories, and Facebook Pet loss groups. These groups or networks give you the chance to share your story with others who understand your pain.
You can do a pet memorial. Use your social media handle to post something you have written about your pet. Writing is a good way of pouring out your pain and this brings some relief. It also gives you the chance to pay tribute to that beautiful animal that gave you unconditional love
Talking about the loss within the family helps with the grieving. Have moments to talk as a family, let each person know that it’s alright to say exactly how they feel, especially if there are children.
You can always reach out for support, if you find yourself struggling more than expected. Grief therapists have the training required to provide the right kind of support.
Most importantly, do know that I share your pain. If there is a special place where animals go, then our pets are all over there resting in peace.
Beautiful article